Great Expectations

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Great Expectations

Recently I have been thinking about expectations.  Many people would argue that they create their own expectations of themselves; I would have once argued the same but in all honesty I believe that we are often led into believing that, in order to be successful in life; a worthwhile human being, then we must achieve certain 'expectations'.

The problem with a lot of these expectations, for example, 'you MUST get a mortgage' means that so many souls are lost into this corporate world that we have created.  Instead of following dreams and using our individual talents, we are pushed and pulled into the direction, that society has moulded us into needing.  Last year I gave up my mortgage and moved to rented accommodation.  My goodness the amount of people who feared for my life as I threw away my world by not owning a property.  However will I be okay?  This all derives from expectations.  The things that we are told will allow us to be able to live a happy and fulfilled life.

Funny though, how the word mortgage comes from the French 'mort-gage', which literally means 'death-pledge'.  The French peasants of the time were working until they died, just for the privilege of owning a house...... sound familiar?  Now, please do not think that I am in anyway judgemental or bitter, this is really just an example of expectations of creating happiness.

What seems to have happened is that not only has an ideal world been created in our society's eyes, but so has the ideal person.  We are made up of a society that measures happiness by our possessions and riches; the amount of Facebook friends that we have.  We can post all of the 'It doesn't matter what you own, it's who you have beside you that counts' quotes onto our Instagram, but that does not take away that the expectations to have everything.  To be good at everything.

Lets have a look at our schooling.  Now, this upsets me greatly.  Our teachers do an incredible job.  They struggle through mountains of paperwork, follow schemes of work that they are not allowed to modernise or make more relevant, yet through all of this they continue to teach our children.  My issues with this system come more into light at secondary school where children are labelled from the moment they walk through the doors.  After taking their 'life changing' SATS tests they are placed into groups and given labels such as 'gifted and talented', 'average learners' and 'Special Educational Needs' students.  

Labels are everywhere.  Why do we constantly feel the need to label people.  My son is not the most academic boy but my god that boy is like a modern day Macgyver when it comes to creating something out of nothing.  This is his gift, but he will never be classed as gifted because being creative is not seen in our society as warranting that label.  I can hear those of you that understand the gifted and talented label crying 'yes but he could fall under talented'.  This is true however, with subjects such as RM (woodwork to us 90's kids), art, theatre studies all being seen as vocational subjects from GCSE onwards, it seems to me that the 'talented' label does not hold premise unlike it's academic counterpart.

My boy likes to play with the girls at school.  He also loves Frozen, Cinderella and he cries at the Lion King.  He is five years old and is often called gay by the other children.  When I ask him if this bothers him he says 'No mum, I don't care I am happy as I am'.  The other day he asked me if he could wear sparkly nail varnish.  I explained to him that of course he could but had to tell him that people may make fun of him for it.  He replied 'Well if they want to be mean mum that's up to them, I would never be cruel to someone like that, it's only nail varnish'.  I can only pray that he does not lose this wonderful trait, of being okay with who he is and with who other people are.  The world needs more of that.

My step-daughter is currently studying for her A levels and unless you are around a person this age, you would not believe the amount of work they have  to do.  At 17 years old she sits all weekend typing away, working herself senseless on eight different projects, all to allow her to be worthy enough to enter university.  I literally look at her sometimes and want to cry.  She is a beautiful 17 year old girl with a strong mind and an open heart.  The world is in desperate need of her compassion,  yet our corporate world has her sat there spending her whole existence on educating her mind; stressing her out; making her 'average learner' brain hurt; affecting her sleep; constantly making her question if she as a person is good enough.  What society have we created? Does this girl really need to do three huge photography projects to be able to study psychology at university?  Why does she have to be exceptional at five different subjects in order for her to be able to follow her heart by stepping into a career that she will love and enjoy.  The only problem is so many do not make it this far.  The 'gifted and talented' have become sufferers of anxiety under all of the pressure and the 'average learners' subconscious has been educated to say that they will never be quite good enough.  If someone is told something often enough they will believe it.

Nice one western world.  I hope you are happy with what you have created.  Whilst you busied around in a Hitler type fashion, creating your perfect little citizens in your ideal world you have allowed a mental health monster to unleash itself into what was once a very much spiritual world.  It really does break my heart.

'He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future' - Adolf Hitler

However, as much as it upsets me I believe that putting anger and hate out into the world is not what our world needs.  Therefore my opinion of it all is this.  Each and everyone of us has a purpose to being on this earth, and we should be told of that.

Looking again at teachers, I understand that teaching does need monitoring but these people were put on the earth to teach.... LET THEM TEACH.   Let the girl who excels in English write her novel without the constant expectation of having to keep up her 'gifted' appearance.  My boy is creative.  He's not academic.  Let's stop dressing down subjects where children like my boy can excel.  We need more designers, we need more artists.  All of these children that we push in certain directions, we need to stop.  Society is creating it's own monsters.  It literally injects people with anxiety; depression and stress by labelling and making people compete.  Compete, not only with others but with themselves; that constant, never dwindling, negative mantra: 'you could have always done better'.

'Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all' - Aristotle

I myself am a healer.  That is what I was put on this earth to do.  Helping people to heal is the only thing that feels right in my heart.  I have had to fight to get here.  Fight through all of the expectations.  Fight when my mind plays tricks on me and tells me to allow the external pressures in.  Before all of this, I strived into retail management and had lots of things and money.  Yet I was so unhappy.  Not with the people around me but in myself; because these things were not apart of my own heart.  This was not who the universe wanted me to be but expectations had led me to believe otherwise.

People think that to be spiritual you have to dance around a fire, naked (people always expect you to be naked) waving incense sticks whilst sacrificing local trout to the gods.... this is just not the case.  People are scared to be spiritual and mindful.  Spirituality is so personal and can be as simple as just being in tune with your own self and your own heart.  We have to nurture each other and our children.  They need time to educate their hearts.  If we do not allow this, how will all of these children discover themselves.  How will they discover who they were truly meant to be.  

Mindfulness and meditation are battling their way into the educational system, when really we should be inviting them in with open arms because it is so desperately needed.  What we fail to understand is that we need dreamers; do-ers; thinkers; artists; inventors; academics; writers; mathematicians; healers; teachers; scientists..... we need them all so I beg of you, stand up to the system. Do not let this society own our youth. Do not be bullied by any expectation if it takes you away from who you are.  Teach yourself to follow your gut instinct, that is what it is there for.  You are responsible for your own happiness and part of being happy is to be true to who you are, and we have to help our children to do this too even when the system pulls them in; lets not forget to educate our hearts.

So, I will leave you with this thought, one that I remember reading towards the end of 2013 that was hard to think about, however once I did I was truly enlightened.

'Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?' - Danielle LaPorte  

 

 

 

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 Positivity - The Journey to Keeping the Glass Half Full

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Positivity - The Journey to Keeping the Glass Half Full

Countless times have I been told 'Would you stop being so positive'.  In some conversations I can even hear in the other person's voice that me trying to put a positive spin on the event that has just happened is making them want to poke me in the eye.

We have all been there.  Something has happened that just tips us over the edge and then some do-gooder tries to tell us how great life is and it will be ok and even though we want to think like that, well we just dismiss it all and wind ourselves up even more.  

Since starting my practise I have heard from a few people that they look at my posts and my blogs wanting to be this positive but just cannot seem to do it.  Well here is a little story for you.  I wasn't always a 'the glass is half full' kind of girl.  Nope, I used to live in the theory that if I didn't expect anything good to happen then if it did it was a bonus.  I lived expecting things to go wrong and they often did.  This was my way of coping and it worked for me just fine for me.

Now I remember half way through my own therapeutic journey, my sister came over for the day.  She started talking to me about a book that she had read and it had changed her life.  All to do with changing how you think in order to change your world.  I humoured her and pretty much shrugged it off to be honest.  

A couple of days later something made me order that book.  When it arrived I almost begrudgingly began to read it.  Looking back I think I was slightly scared that it would change the way that I thought.  What if I didn't want to change? I had coped all these years why would I want to change now?

Thing was I didn't put that book down.  I had finished it in two days.  That book was the start of something wonderful for me.  I realised that all of the time I had expected bad things to happen to me had attracted the bad things.  If I had imagined it going wrong then it most likely would do.  Once I had changed the way I perceived the events of my life I realised that a lot of the time things do 'go wrong' but handling them in a different more positive way is so much better for you as a person.  To not worry, to know things will be ok, to believe in yourself and to think in a more positive way is so much more satisfying.  I read and read, did my research, found guru's that I liked.  Leading my life the way that I do and believing the things that I believe is a choice.  Positivity is a practise and a hard one at that, considering that everywhere we turn in this life there are people and things putting us down.  

So where does hypnotherapy hold a place in aiding with this? 

The subconscious mind is 1000 times stronger than the conscious mind.  So look at it this way, that person that really wants to change something, anything, lets stick with the theme and say it's the person I was chatting to the other week who said,

'I really love your posts and want to think positively but I just can't seem to make it stick'

What has happened here is this person has made a decision in their conscious mind.  I want to be positive please brain.  Well the subconscious mind does not like change.  It has survived this long with a negative thought process and it is not willing to change.  It is the same for anything.  Often weight loss client's that I see have been up and down with their weight all of their lives.  This is because the conscious decision can only last for so long.  Eventually something will happen to trigger the subconscious coping mechanism and boom..... the weight goes back on.  Just to note now I am aware that this isn't the case for everyone and will power is a fabulous thing.  There's just something about re wiring the subconscious mind to create permanent positive changes that I love!  Once the subconscious mind is rewired a person is set free.  It can be tiring having a constant battle of wills in your mind and this can often lead to old habits reforming; the conscious mind gives in.  

So, for myself I realised quite quickly that I needed to do something more to uphold my new found positivity.  This is when I began to use self hypnosis, which I do teach to all of my clients.  It is a wonderful technique that really compounds all of the great work a client does in our sessions and people are surprised how easily they can achieve this.  No matter what issue a client comes to me with I work firstly with their self belief and thought system about themselves.  Just having an ego boost works wonders for self-achievement; because they are positive and believe that they can.  We need to deal with the negativity surrounding the issue.  So many times I hear of how my client's are 'trying to be positive'.  This is often no good at all as the more we try to be something else, the more we resist the thing that we are trying not to be; in this case therefore the thing we are trying to resist, negativity, will persist.  This is another reason why I insist on an initial consultation so that I can personalise each treatment plan.  People's issues are all different and no amount of therapy will work if the route cause is not found.  What I am saying is that if we do not find the cause of the negative thinking, for example, then it will always persist.  That initial cause needs dealing with and this can be achieved very successfully under hypnosis.  I have found continuously that once I can help a client to see themselves in their new life, they can achieve it.  They see it.  And they achieve it.

Positivity is a practise.  Things do go wrong.  We all stumble sometimes.  It's how we get back up and handle the situation that defines us.  How we move forward.  How we let go of the past and the people that have hurt us, because that pain; that hurt; that resentment only hurts one person.  You.  To be able to set someone free of all of this; to help them to move forward in a positive way is one of the most beautiful feelings for me as a therapist. And I am so passionate because I have seen it work time and time again, and also it has worked for me.  It has made my life so much better and now I want to give that to others too.

'When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be' - Lao Tzu

 

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Your melody is an art

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Your melody is an art

I have been meaning to write a blog for a few days now, however whenever I have tried something has gotten in the way.  My belief being that I wasn't meant to write a piece on grief or fear as I had planned to the last few times I have tried.  No, the universe had other plans. Today, as I awoke I picked up my phone and learnt that Dr Wayne Dyer had passed away at aged 75.  Now you may not know who this man is, and neither did I until I started my own spiritual journey a year or so ago, but he has inspired me with his words repeatedly throughout my journey.

As I began to search through some of his teachings I found one that inspired me so much I knew what I must write about today.  

'Don't die with your music still inside you. Listen to your intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs your soul'  - Wayne Dyer

We all have a song inside of us.  Each and every one of us has a different song, a different passion, a different super power to bring to this earth.  Sometimes it is hard to find; pushed down; forgotten, but it is there within each and every soul.

And once I really began to think about this I realised that all of the topics I nearly wrote about over the past few days, all of the people who have inspired me this past week, were all singing their song, even if they did not realise it.

People often think that their song is not worthwhile, they are not a singer, an actor, a high flying business person...... so how could their song possibly make a difference?  The way you choose to live your life is part of your song.  And when we listen and look for the beauty in the song of others that's when we can really appreciate the world, the universe and all of our connections.  When we can really be thankful and abundant in all that we are and all that we have.

If we all took a little more time to notice how well that girl behind the checkouts served us today; or how that guy stood and held the door open even though you were quite a way behind and he could have let it go.  Be the first to smile to that person in the street, buy a homeless person a sandwich or a coffee.  Be kind always.  For when we are kind and grateful to those around us we encourage all of those different songs that could play so beautifully together.  

I often speak to people who do not see their worth whether that be through depression or just a lack of self belief.  They do not hear their song, but I do.  That's my super power. However if they cannot hear it themselves it will be lost.  

I know that once upon a time my song was lost, in fact I had no idea what it was but now that I do I aim to use it to encourage other's to find theirs.  Their own special qualities that so many people, including themselves will benefit from.  By changing our thoughts we can change our life.  Anything becomes possible when we realise our song and that is what I want to achieve with all of my clients.

Someone very special to me said that a song reminded them of me the other day, especially one line, 'Your melody is an art'.  So to anyone feeling lost, alone, troubled or down.  To those who feel that they have no confidence or self-belief.  You do have a song.  The most beautiful song......

'Your melody is an art' -  Sia

  

 

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Thoughts from Scotland

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Thoughts from Scotland

As my time here in Scotland  comes to and end, I am sat here with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and inner calm.  The surroundings here are almost hypnotic and I have thrown myself and my mind into them, allowing for mindfulness and meditation. 

I am learningall of the time. The beauty of this place has centred me and given me an even greater awareness, along with new ideas of how to help others on their journey to wellness.  My time here has allowed me to focus on why I am so passionate about hypnotherapy and meditation. 

YOU have the power to change.  YOU have all of the power right there in your own mind to become whatever and whoever you want to be.  And how empowering it is to know that YOU can do that.  Being able to guide people into the realisation of this, and then onwards to making the positive changes that they so desire......

This is my passion and also my privilege.

So although I shall be sad to say goodbye to this beautiful place, I am looking forward to using what I have learnt from my time here to help others.

 

Helping people to discover the knowledge of their own power and how to access it.

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